Spirit Stirrer

I had no plans to change my blog platform. Then all hell broke loose, actually we decided to move Liturgical Nerds to wordpress, and I decided it was better to move spiritstirrer here so that I could manage them together.

Josh and I have committed to writing more on LN as a way to continue a long conversation started long ago!

I am committing to this space also as a way to share with all those that have crossed my path and hopefully with many new ones that will come along the way.

Keep on reading & commenting. I look forward to the conversation!

Peace, Juan+

In a previous post I spoke about those early months in ministry. Those months seemed like years! So much took place and much learning happened and little by little I settled in as pastor. It was almost as if one day I woke up and my normal movements, thinking, and inclination was that of a pastor.

I was blessed that my first pastoral experience was as an associate pastor of a mid-size congregation. They were vibrant, always on the go, and hungry for God’s movement in them. Their Sr. Pastor was wise mentor and knew me well. This mixture of dynamic congregation and Sr. Pastor as willing partner was pivotal in establishing in me good rhythms of pastoral life.

The other day one of the ladies of our church stopped by the office with her three daughters. We checked in on a few things about the church and soon her daughters had made themselves comfortable in the space. They were climbing on chairs, playing with the toys (I always have toys on the bottom shelf of one of my bookcases), and looking at all the “things” that brother Juan (that’s what they call me here) has all around his office. The conversation was coming to a close, the mother tells her daughters “let’s get out of here, brother Juan is busy!,” immediately one of the girls looks at me and asks “What is it that you do?”

How do I explain my vocation and work to an eight year old? I turned my chair around and began to tell her about preaching, teaching, about checking in on people (especially if they were sick), and about study. So far nothing seem to impress her . . . it seemed boring! Then I said that my favorite part of my job was talking to people like her who just dropped by! With a big smile on her face she went on and soon came back with a drawing of Jesus for my office.

These are the rhythms I learned from a congregation that cared enough to teach me and a mentor who loved enough to model. Some years ago Bishop Will Willimon was quoted in an article on the Christian Century by Jason Byassee called What do associate pastors want? Team Players, Willimon says “ministry is mostly learned through apprenticing.” After these important early years of ministry I could not agree more!

After three years as an associate I was appointed as pastor in charge of a small rural congregation in my home conference. The transition was enormous, going from a dynamic, fast moving, growing congregation to a small, dying one is not easy. I no longer have partners all around me to help dream dreams and see visions. There is no longer the hustle and bustle of the small city that I could hear from my office. But every morning I wake up and remember that I am a pastor and the rhythms of pastoral life that I learned help me walk into the empty church building and lead this congregation into the fullness that God is calling it to live.

The rhythms of pastoral life become the incarnation of God’s call to this life!

Peace, Juan+

In the latest Christian Century magazine (November 3) David J. Wood, senior pastor of Glencoe Union Church in Glencoe Ill., reviews a book called From Midterms to Ministry: Practical Theologians on Pastoral Beginnings, ed. Allan Hugh Cole Jr. His review of this book solidified my own need to reflect more deeply on my own beginning and on what has transpired since.

I don’t yet have the privilege of decades in ministry. I am one of those young pastors who only has years behind him, and few at that! I’m now on my fifth year being called pastor . . . five years of attempting to lead a faith community, five years of joys, disappointments, and continued discernment.

Maybe the fact that it’s so fresh allows me to remember more vividly the transition. Those painful mornings when I would arrive in my office wondering what I was supposed to do. Or those “firsts:” funeral, visit, someone makes an appointment to “see” you, ICU visit, sermon, broken pipe, leaky roof, “personnel” problems . . . the list could go on!

I also remember the pain of letting go of my life as a student. It could be described as a grieving process. No longer part of a community of learning. No longer part of this important rhythm of learning, prayer, service. In some ways it was a deeply formative rhythm in my life.

Getting up early to lead morning prayers in the chapel. Going to class and soon finding myself back in the chapel, this time for word and table. Then after more classes and one more chapel service I would find myself in chapel again to close my week. This time the rhythm slowed as we gathered, heard, reflected, and broke bread! Now empowered I was ready for whatever came my way.

I found it jarring not to have this communal rhythm of learning, prayer, and service in the local church. It was almost like I could not find my way without it . . . I was not sure I even knew who I was without it.

It was replaced by a more mundane one. Phone calls, e-mail messages, paperwork, and people “stopping by.” And then there were the meetings, deadlines (another newsletter had to go out) and a run to the hospital. No morning prayer, no lecture or exciting theological conversation, no word and table . . .

Then Katrina came! We had no floods of water where I lived, we had floods of people. Anxious people, tired people, scared people, people hungry for good news! Collared I went . . . to where people were, oil stock in hand, ready to listen. The stories came, the tears, the sadness, the fear and little by little their stories and the stories of the many others since, became my rhythm.

I’ve tried to leave many times . . . to run away to a better, more fulfilling vocation. I have tried to convince myself that I’ve been called to other things, to less mundane things, to more heavenly things! But then a knock on the door of my office, a ringing phone, an invitation to come by is all it takes; someone wants to talk, someone wants to share their story. The words of morning prayer ring in my ears “O Lord Open My lips, that my mouth shall proclaim your praise!”

I’ve been called to this and God is still calling me to it. It is the mundane that God has called me to, it is the ministry of healing, forgiving, and reconciling. The ministry of blessing, breaking, sharing; the ministry of being present in the name of the anointed and poured out One, Jesus the Christ.

Now if I could just remember that each day is a pastoral beginning!

Peace, Juan+

It had been there a while. I could not remember at what point it emerged. In some ways I think it had always been there, I had always known.

And then there was that moment when I was 12. It was the practice of our congregation to allow children at age 12 to read scripture during worship. I remember anticipating that 12 birthday and how excited I was when soon thereafter I received my first reading assignment. I do not remember the passage, I do remember standing before my congregation barely seen behind that pulpit and reading God’s word to them. I believe this was the moment when I knew! God was calling me to be a proclaimer of this word!

Life happens though. Like many other pastor’s kids I let my own experience (painful at times) of my father’s pastoral work to make me forget that moment. By the time high school came I was sure that the last thing I wanted to be was a pastor.

The church remained faithful to their calling. They supported me in immeasurable ways, gave me opportunities for leadership and saw gifts in me that I could not see in myself at the time. Discernment was a communal experience.

I could write pages on the next few years as I went into college, majored in religion, left the church (in spirit although not in body) and then found my calling again at a different congregation, this time in The United Methodist Church. At each of these turning points the community of faith continued to call, continued to be God’s voice, continued to give me opportunities to experience leadership in a christian community.

It has been a little over four years since I finished seminary. It seems like just the other day that I walked on the campus of Candler School of Theology, it seems like an eternity! Since then I have pastored, first as an associate and in the last year as a solo pastor of a rural congregation. It has not all been easy but there is not a day that I am not reminded that this is what God has called me to do!

The process took time. There were many forms to fill out, many interviews, many assignments, many conversations. At each step there were opportunities for continual discernment and exploration. Opportunities to hear God’s voice calling again.

God calls all of us. Us with different gifts, abilities, and life stories. God calls us to faithful proclamation and active engagement for the life of the world. Some are called to leadership in christian communities, around table & bath, around towel and basin. These are the cornerstones of ordained ministry.

Sometimes I still feel like that twelve year old. Am I tall enough for the pulpit, for the table, for moments of holy conversation? At these times I remember the church gathered on that day long ago, their smiles, their attention, their knowledge that God was calling.

That same God still calls each day! Discernment never ends!

Peace, Juan+

P.S. If you are exploring a call to ordained ministry please consider attending Exploration 2009!